Tonight I was made to see things that I’ve been trying for so long not too. Tonight I was forced to analyze things that really needed it. And I’m lost. I’m so incredibly lost. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how to start figuring out what I want. I don’t know anything about anything anymore.

I need to start doing stuff for me. I don’t do anything for myself. Everything I do is driven by someone else. I lack motivation. How the hell do I find it?

Work is my happy place. If I could be there every day from 7 AM to 9 PM I would be. I’d tuck myself in my cube, keep my head down, and work. Non fucking stop. I throw myself into it because there’s nothing else. Work is life. Work is my hobby. How pathetic is that?

So often I wonder what I’m doing back here. I don’t think it’s regret, but it’s something.

I need a drink.


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